May 31, 2012    phone sex   xojane  

Ughhhh, Phone Sex

I found this in the comments section on xojane.com

MzDaveez:

I worked for an adult phone line… Yeah.

The strangest caller was a man who wanted to be my pet chicken and have me cook and eat him as part of a roast dinner. He did the voice of the chicken and I described preparing a roast dinner, it was really hard to make roasting potatoes sound sexy.
He just kind of talked like maybe an animated chicken would. Things like “Ooh, I’ve never been in the house before!” and “I’m nourishing you, aren’t I?”
So surreal.
So now I know there is no normal sexuality.

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February 8, 2012    preschool  

My Sister, the Pre-school Teacher

  • Lindsey: Will you come to work with me for a little bit on Friday so
  • I can show you off to the kids? They would love it -- they ask me
  • questions about you all the time, and we have been playing a game
  • where we pretend to be our sisters and so I pretend to be you
  • Well, just the girls and I play that game
  • Caroline: ok
  • that's the world's dumbest game
  • no offense
  • (OFFENSE)
  • Lindsey: Well, all of their sisters are older (like 6), so they get
  • to pretend to be all old and cool
  • They don't believe me that my sister is a grown-up
  • When I pretend to pay rent and buy groceries in the game, they think
  • it is SO FUNNY
  • Caroline: Did you start this game just so you could pretend to be me?
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January 18, 2012    pedophilia   shutterfly   bonetown  
I found this on shutterfly.com. In addition to literally not making sense (a baby is only a baby ONE time, fyi you guys), it seems in poor taste to use a 1970s song about taking a lady to bonetown to sell birthday party invites for a baby. posted by caroline

I found this on shutterfly.com. In addition to literally not making sense (a baby is only a baby ONE time, fyi you guys), it seems in poor taste to use a 1970s song about taking a lady to bonetown to sell birthday party invites for a baby.


posted by caroline

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January 9, 2012    Never forget   9/11   boy scouts  
Look, I get that some people are just going to memorialize the shit out the World Trade Center forever, and while it’s not my thing, it’s fine. BUT, you should maybe do it in a somber and meaningful way and not by wearing a t shirt that makes the World Trade Center towers look like adorable little boy scouts with yellow neckerchiefs. posted by Caroline

Look, I get that some people are just going to memorialize the shit out the World Trade Center forever, and while it’s not my thing, it’s fine. BUT, you should maybe do it in a somber and meaningful way and not by wearing a t shirt that makes the World Trade Center towers look like adorable little boy scouts with yellow neckerchiefs.

posted by Caroline

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10:38pm    deer   hunting   terrifying   possible zombie   abortion   darwinism is true   car hats  
Spotted on the way home to Boston for Christmas! OMG EVERYONE YIKES! Can we also please note the Jesus Fish, and the “It’s a Child, Not a Choice” bumper sticker? I wish I had a sticker on my car that said “It’s a DEER, not a hat for your car.” That’s why people hunt deer right? Car hats? PS - Abortion forever! PPS - Mass Pike forever! posted by Caroline

Spotted on the way home to Boston for Christmas! OMG EVERYONE YIKES! Can we also please note the Jesus Fish, and the “It’s a Child, Not a Choice” bumper sticker? I wish I had a sticker on my car that said “It’s a DEER, not a hat for your car.” That’s why people hunt deer right? Car hats?

PS - Abortion forever!

PPS - Mass Pike forever!

posted by Caroline

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October 4, 2011
My boyfriend’s dog is such an asshole. posted by Caroline

My boyfriend’s dog is such an asshole.


posted by Caroline

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1:46pm    kubus  

BOGATY FOREVER

My apartment ceiling collapsed and is being rebuilt (fancy!)

and the dude working on it is drinking some kind of sports drink that appears to be imported from Eastern Europe called Kubus (#1 DRINK OF KGB). I looked at the bottle and the number one attribute of Kubus is that it is “Bogaty!” I hope that’s a good thing.


posted by caroline

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