Ughhhh, Phone Sex
I found this in the comments section on xojane.com MzDaveez: I worked for an adult phone line… Yeah. The strangest caller was a man who wanted to be my pet chicken and have me cook and eat him as part of a roast dinner. He did the voice of the chicken and I described preparing a roast dinner, it was really hard to make roasting potatoes sound sexy. He just kind of talked like maybe an...
My Sister, the Pre-school Teacher
Lindsey: Will you come to work with me for a little bit on Friday so
I can show you off to the kids? They would love it -- they ask me
questions about you all the time, and we have been playing a game
where we pretend to be our sisters and so I pretend to be you
Well, just the girls and I play that game
that's the world's dumbest game
Lindsey: Well, all of their sisters are older (like 6), so they get
to pretend to be all old and cool
They don't believe me that my sister is a grown-up
When I pretend to pay rent and buy groceries in the game, they think
it is SO FUNNY
Caroline: Did you start this game just so you could pretend to be me?
My apartment ceiling collapsed and is being rebuilt (fancy!) and the dude working on it is drinking some kind of sports drink that appears to be imported from Eastern Europe called Kubus (#1 DRINK OF KGB). I looked at the bottle and the number one attribute of Kubus is that it is “Bogaty!” I hope that’s a good thing. posted by caroline
I NEED YOUR HELP, YOU GUYS
Hey! I submitted photos of my patio to the re-nest.com Small Cool Outdoors contest. The grand prize is a bicycle and I NEED IT TO LIVE. Please, please PLEASE vote for me. It would be so awkward if I lost! Voting is open through August 26th, so please get on it nowwwwww. Now, you do have to register on the site to vote, but you’re really just registering for a commenter account, so they...
Tommy Hilfiger's Son is SUCH a Twit →
http://www.observer.com/2011/08/rich-hilfiger-tommy-hilfiger-ra/ This dummy has only asinine things to say! I have nothing (well, not THAT much) against rich people’s kids trying to be rappers or whatever, and this kid seems to at least own it, but he lives in the Plaza Hotel! Come ON. At least live somewhere cool and expensive that other cool people live. This article is worth an...
We're Heading Out West!
In 2007 we drove to Tennessee, saw a lot of billboards about Jesus and met a magical talking taffy stove. In 2009 we drove to Florida, visited Disneyworld and met eachother’s grandparents. Now we’ve been hired by my sister to drive her car to San Francisco, presumably to meet the house from Full House. Anyone have any suggestions about where we should go along the...
618 million people search Google for "Google"... →
All of those people are my parents. via gizmodo.com posted by caroline
Quality Bird Advice
I was in an elevator this morning, and there was a little TV screen on the wall to tell me the current temperature and give interesting news tidbits. Well, the “interesting” “news” tidbit they were giving out was about how expensive it can be to own a macaw. I guess you can spend up to $145,000 (real fact) on your macaw in its lifetime because they live to be 900 years old...
Things be CRAZY at the Anne Frank House
I just read an AMAZING, totally bonkers article in the NY Times. Anne Frank, basically the most famous Dutch person ever, wrote in her diary that her only contact with nature while in hiding was seeing the top of a Chestnut tree growing in her neighbor’s garden. That tree developed a fungal infection a few years ago and was slated to be felled. A group dedicated to saving the tree decided...
I was just reading a cute piece on theawl.com about good things to name your Oregon Trail family and came across this excellent comment: My bff married herself to a celebrity in The Sims, and then her real life boyfriend went in to her game, killed the celebrity husband, and put his gravestone in the front yard. Okay, and I helped him. Genius! But also scary/weird! posted by Caroline
This is a really good wikipedia article
The Civil War Was Unintentionally Very Gay
The Civil War, (or as Monique calls it, the War of Northern Agression) took place at a time when it was very easy to make everything you said sound extremely gay, because being actually gay was such a foreign concept to those people that there was no way to take anything hilariously out of context. The words “homosexual” and “heterosexual” didn’t even enter the...
Worst Commute EVER
The other week I had just gotten home from work and I was feeling bad for myself. I had had a terrible commute on the subway. I’m pretty short, and a dude lowered his arm from ceiling-strap-holding position and had smashed me on the head with the point of his elbow. It sucked, but he was apologetic about it. So, I was at home, taking some painkillers for my headache when I got a text from my...
This week I watched about four episodes of the show Hoarders. In addition to making me want to throw away everything I own and set fire to it, I discovered three very important truths about hoarding. 1. There are two kinds of hoarders. People who have bought or collected too much stuff and feel too overwhelmed to start cleaning it up AND people who are batshit insane. 2. Underneath all...
Why does Garfield hate Mondays so much? It’s not like he has a job. I don’t have a job and I think Mondays are just fine. What’s he complaining about? Also here is a bonus image for all of you Professors of Garfield History: posted by Caroline.
Guess who just wrote their first wikipedia article! Me! It’s extremely interesting (to me) and you should all check it out BUT DON’T EDIT IT BECAUSE IT’S ALREADY PERFECT AND YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Everett_Mills Posted by Caroline
Happy Valentines Day, cat ladies!
A Friend (not caroline): omg have you read the “in defense of settling” article? its brutal monique : where? hufpo? A Friend: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/ monique : oh no. i want to die A Friend: i knowww. this article has destroyed many people monique : oh boy…i’m so depressed A Friend: haha you’re only 24. you...
Monique Needs Her Baby Back Ribs (and bbq sauce)
I just got my year end credit card statement and in the restaurants category there are like six charges from the Chilli’s at JFK Airport. posted by Monique.
Overheard at the Co-Op
For all of you non-New Yorkers, there is this stupid place called the Park Slope Food Co-Op in Brooklyn. It’s been around for decades, and members are required to put in a few hours per month working there in order to be able to buy groceries. There are about 15 full time employees who manage the members and do other stuff. Everyone there is really smug and if you don’t bring your...
Rock Bottom is Pretty Awkward
So um…like twice a year when I’m between paychecks I have to scramble around my Turkish apartment turning over couch cushions and collecting up random currencies to pay the bills. 10 UK pounds from my trip to London two years ago? YES! 5 Euros from a friend’s wedding last year? SCORE! 80 bucks from the last time I was in the states? OH BOY! 4,500 Kenyan Shillings from...
This is really a story about beanie babies.
When our friend V was about fourteen years old, her parents bought a new house about five minutes away from the house she’d grown up in. It took a few months for the old house to sell and her parents left behind a bunch of stuff in the old place to make it look “homey” and more attractive to potential buyers. V’s older sister used this opportunity to have BOY/GIRL HANGOUTS...
Where has our youth gone?
Monique: this girl was like, do you want to have drinks at 10? and it’s 830 now and i’m ready for bed Caroline: haha. tell her that you are 37 years old. Monique: 10 at NIGHT? Caroline: maybe if there were gonna be free grilled cheese sandwiches there it would be worth it. Monique: I’d be there in a heartbeat! UPDATE FROM MONIQUE: Wanna know how the rest...
MY GREATEST FEAR →
As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, my greatest fear in the world is the thought of people posting on my facebook after I’ve died. Or having my last tweet “immortalize” me. That’s why I, and I encourage everyone else, to find a buddy to IMMEDIATELY DELETE EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET after I’ve passed. caroline, you still know all my pwordz? (clicky the...
I’ve waited a really long time for this… 25 years, to be exact. My dad’s Brazillian, and when I was younger my brother and I would beg him FOREVERRRR to get us citizenship. He looked into it recently and said we were too old since you can’t get it after you are 18 and he should have done it earlier and..whoops! Recently they overturned that law and decided that...
Jellyfish - "IMMA GIT YOU!"
Last night I watched a wonderfully terrifying new show on the Discovery Channel. It was called “Rise of the Jellyfish” and it was amaaaaazing. The gist of it was that for reasons unknown, but possibly the coming apocalyse, jellyfish are increasing in numbers and will soon become our new overlords. If you think that I am sounding overdramatic, you need to watch this show because they...
Gift Guides - All Etsy →
Two new Etsy gift guides up on design blahg today, written by yours truly! One is for prints/photographs and one is stuff in general. Check ‘em out! posted by Caroline
Gift Guides - Under $25 →
Another gift guide up on design blahg! This one’s all stuff that you can get for under $25, which is near and dear to my heart considering that I am a poor person. posted by Caroline
Tajazzle Promises To Give Your Vagina The... →
This infomercial is outtacontrol! but funny! -m