Hungry as Usual
Today I saw a homeless lady holding two biscuits and my first thought was “LUCKYYYY!” because biscuits are the best but probably I am more lucky because I have a home. posted by caroline
I’m watching Oprah right now (why yes, I am unemployed!) and recently, instead of interviewing people in other locations via satellite, she interviews them via Skype. This is great because the video quality is crap (it looks like she is interviewing them via Youtube) and the audio keeps skipping or cutting out. It’s like an advertisement for how much Skype sucks. Everyone is talking...
Welcome to the craziest cat lady I will probably...
Sometimes when I can’t sleep I look at the craigslist crazies. This gem is the best yet. Hi, I have a really sunny apt, and I’ll be needing a roommate. I’m looking to share with a female.It’s a two bedroom, so you’ll be sharing with me. The room is about 77 sq. ft. 7’ x11’. I have two really affectionate cats. They pretty much love anyone who will...
My Tween Cousin is kind of an asshole PART TWO
My asshole tween cousin keeps making fun of me for not having a job. She acts like I’m this total loser who can’t do anything and keeps sending me messages on gChat. Cousin: wat up me: i’m sending an email to apply for a job Cousin: ha ha i forgot yuor broke Hee hee me: i’m not broke, so stop making fun of me Cousin: at least i have a life UGHH...
I guess I am lazy...
Dear Caroline, I finally removed myself from the NYUJews e- news letter, after they invited me to “Kentucky Fried Shabbat, Shtiebel Chabad, Chabad Shuk and more!” With this photo attached If you’re Jewish and not coming, you’re either crazy or lazy. Join Chabad this Sunday morning for our weekly Sunday Brunch. Enjoy bagels and lox, fresh coffee and orange juice. All...
My tween cousin is kind of an asshole.
My tween cousin likes to gchat me and be annoying. She always makes fun of my former job which included reading a lot of children's books. I guess she thinks it means that I am too dumb to have a real job. Also, she greets me with "wat up" because she is a gangsta who goes to jewish day school. In the course of this conversation she calls me old, boring, dumb and says that she is smarter than me. What a delightful child!
Some conversation selections:
me: no more acronyms
I am too old
cousin: you r
me: it is not classy
cousin: i'm smarty
would you like to read my sonnet?
i wrote it all by myself
cousin: and i figuerd that you would like it b/c it was written by a tween. anyway it is really good
yes is a boring word. yeah is better
me: "yeah" is not a polite lady word
cousin: so for IMing you r using
"polite lady words"?
cousin: ur boring
i will email you my sonnet now
me: No, I just don't like to sound like an idiot.
Cousin: read it
me: yeah it's good.
Cousin: really good
me: "And the abundant, emerald, leafy trees" would sound better as "And the abundant, leafy emerald trees."
Cousin: do you know all this from reading kid books all day?
me: No, I know it from my fancy education
Monique is the worst, right you guys?
Monique went to Brazil with her dad for a while. She totally ditched me. What a jerk. I guess her dad is her new bestest friend. Whatever. posted by caroline
My grandma was at this recuperation center for elderpeople for like eight minutes this weekend (she realized she hated it and wanted to go home) but my sister and I managed to visit her and have a HILARIOUS time. The only game they had in the common room was Trivial Pursuit, but from aprox 1970. All of the questions were about the Soviet Union, West Germany, Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly or sports...
World record sandwich? Iranians eat evidence. →
Sorry guys, I just really like sandwiches these days. Also this story is funni
My Bed Had an Affair
I was moving my old bed out of my old apartment this weekend and lo and behold, what did i find? A PAIR OF THONG UNDERWEAR. These striped Victoria’s Secret undies did NOT belong to me as I only have like one thong and I only wear it when pantylines grow too unfortunate. So, how did my bed end up cheating on me? I thought we were solid, but I guess when it heard rumors that I was getting a newer,...
It's Time to remember the magic
I just called the Disney corporate offices for something work-related, and when I asked to speak to someone in Human Resources, the receptionist refused. Apparently I have to know a specific name of someone in the department. However, you call HR when you want to find out info about the REAL people who work at the company, so I didn’t know any of their names. I asked the receptionist to tell me a...
A couple months ago, Monique told me that I was not allowed to write any more posts about my dog, Lazy because it was boring to everyone who wasn’t me (NOT TRUE, YOU BITCH). But whatevs, sucka, because our friend Jess Star has a new blog about dogs and she has assured me that Lazy will be on it soon and then Lazy will be a SUPERSTAR and Monique will be left crying into her ham sandwich and...
People Continue to be the WORST
I was on the bus today (shut up) and the guy across the aisle from me was wearing an Indiana Jones fedora with an ENORMOUS tag on the brim that labeled it as such, complete with the Indy logo and everything. So weird. But this is the craziest thing I saw today by FAR: A new father has named his baby girl Sarah McCain Palin as an endorsement for Republican ticket…and without his...
Personal assistant to poet/professor (East...
Poets? Do those even exist? And how can they afford assistants? And they advertise on craigslist? xoxoox Ha! http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/med/878401164.html
Awkward Tattoos I found...
Starting with 9/11 memorials…
Let Ocho Cinco free!
On a very long list of things I love, along with episodes of One Tree Hill with Chineese subtitles, and ironic tattoos, is a football player formally named Chad Johnson, who is currently (legally) named Chad Ocho Cinco. other things he has done… - Challenged Michael Phelps to a swimming race -Raced a horse and won. - he looks like this - He has four children, one of them named Chad...
People Need To Not
I live on the second floor of my building. As a result, I am treated to conversations drifting up from the street, as well as frequent salsa concerts by a man with a gross ponytail and a bicycle with a tape deck bolted to the handle bars. He is my archenemy, but he does not know that I wish him dead every day. Anyway, some guy just walked by my building and here is the conversation excerpt that I...