Caroline: you are my blessed jewel
Monique: remember jewel!
that was my first cd
Caroline: mine was Brandy
the one that had “the boy is mine”
And thus began my life-long love for r&b music.
(not)
I’m lazily reposting part of an AMAZING blog post on The Awl making fun of the letters to the editor that are printed in women’s magazines. The writer, who is my friend’s friend (omg it’s like I’m famous!) posts real letters and then writes her own fake satire ones.
Diet Dilemmas Solved
I am appalled by “Wellness Diaries” [Fall Makeover 2009]. The diets are anything but healthy. Isn’t it bad enough that society glorifies women who are underweight? It is unrealistic to adhere to a diet like Ji Baek’s, which consists of champagne and one meal a day.
Anna Moreno, via instyle.com (InStyle, October 2009)
You know who my diet icon is? A daddy long legs spider. Fucking thin as fuck. Are you fat dumps jealous? You should be, you lard fucks. You guys, I’m so skinny I look like thread. Like a fucking string of thread, you assholes. You could use me to sew up your assholes if you wanted, I’m such a fucking slender queen. Fuck, you guys, I’m so skinny I look like what someone who died a few years ago would look like if you dug up their bones, you fat whales, you fat monster beasts. Oh my God, you guys don’t even know.
Dana J., Denver
read the post: http://www.theawl.com/2009/10/letters-to-the-editors-of-womens-magazines-with-edith-zimmerman
posted by caroline
My 8th grade crush was Mike DonGiovanni. What? I’m from New Jersey!
He sat behind me in science, or something. I don’t remember but the farthest we got was dancing to the song from Titanic during the 8th grade spring fling. I happened to wearing a juicy couture tank top (I know. Kill me) and a pair of jeans that probably looked terrible on me.. I definitely had braces. He had just broken up with his long time girlfriend Tiffany (real name) and it was my move.
That was pretty stupid considering he was like 100 feet tall and he had to special order his size 13 shoes. He didn’t play basketball or really do much of anything because I think he was slightly retarded. My own oversized Jordan Catalano, I just loved how he leaned
But I was so in love. So much so that when it came time to choose high-schools, I couldn’t shake him. There were three options: UC, RC, and ew Public. I didn’t care much for either so when Doug said he was going to RC; I pulled a Felicity and went along.
Which turned out to be a fine decision, I didn’t see much of him because we were in different classes (his took a much slower pace) and I met new fellows and moved on from my middle school crush.
We never really came in contact with each other, in fact I have no recollection of him even being there. Except for the time, a week before my sweet sixteen (so many omg’s) I got onto his bus by accident, and sprained my foot running away in horror. I don’t even remember him at the 9th grade dance when I wore cloud pants from G.U.E.S.S. and a shirt that said “I heart Me” that was probably bought from Delia’s. The braces were still there.
It’s safe to say I’m over him. I’m pretty sure we would never get along. Tiffany was a cheerleader, I think. And he wasn’t much of a talker. Plus he was literally about 6’2. But I’ll never forget that fateful night, swaying back and forth in an awkward staccato fashion that only 8th graders can do, feverishly hoping that he might hold my hand, or at least say something. I still have that tank top.
Posted by Monique
We literally are so popular!
CALLING ALL TECHIES!
So um, i’ve been getting these emails for a while now and i’ve just been ignoring them thinking that they are spammy but aparently there is some merit to the claims…
Limit has been exceeded on domain ‘mylifeissoawkward.com’ owned by client ‘hostmaster’ (Contact name ‘Host Master’):
Traffic: 2.50 G
Traffic limit: 2.00 G
Omg too much traffic! What are we, downtown LA?
SO my question is what do we do about it? Become LESS popular? usually this means that you have to buy more bandwith, but serversea doesn’t list the bandwith amounts on the details of their plans.. Also we don’t want to buy a more expensive plan. You guy’s aren’t worth it. Second question: will this just go away magically?
I work as an assistant to a jeweler and one of my duties is answering her emails on her behalf. To make this easier, she just gave me the password for her email account so I could write as if I was her. Yesterday, I was in one of the stores that she sells to, and I was introduced to the store owner, Rony, for the first time by one of the salesgirls who works there that I know. Instead of saying something like “Oh hello, so nice to meet you” or anything non-creepy, I said “I know who you are. I read all of your emails.”
Now, I meant that I read all of the emails sent between her and my boss, but instead it sounded like I read all of Rony’s emails. Also, it kind of sounded like I was threatening her. I didn’t really know what to say, so I just chose not to explain myself! The end.
Posted by Caroline
Has anyone noticed that hit blog fmylife.com is basically exactly the same as the original incarnation of MY LIFE IS SO AWKWARD? When we first started out, we had a big long list of awkward junk that happened to us, and we posted reader’s submissions from their own lives.
I’m not mad (YES I AM) but I am just saying that they are verrry similar except their’s sucks. Do not visit it.
Posted by Caroline
ALSOOO
There is a lamersite called mylifeisaverage. And i’m always reading that thinking it’s our site! it’s terrible! I had cookies for dinner, my life is average
THATS THE WORST! The internet has peaked in banality! Our site is so much better. Tell your friends. Please do because we are going to start another taco drive soon to pay for this sinking ship.
xx
m
Re posted from a gem of a blog The Awl
Everyone’s talking about the giant Indonesian baby, but no one is giving a thought to the regular-sized baby they posed next to him to provide scale. What is that baby thinking? Is he afraid? Does he feel inadequate? Is he worried that he’s a disappointment to his parents, being what he must presume to be undersized in the very competitive field of babydom? He’s just a baby, he doesn’t know any better! I hope his folks do a good job of making him feel like he’s special all on his own, even if he isn’t the Monster Baby. He’s a regular baby, and that’s fine too.
—Balk
Published at 3:30 pm, Thursday, Sep 24, 2009
Here’s a totally real news article about my love of Hilary Duff
“Self proclaimed “number one fan” Monique (mylastname) could not even hold herself together when asked to describe what exactly it is about Ms. Duff that inspires her every day. ‘she just…i mean…i love…so much hope,sobbed Monique as this reporter looked on.”
“Jaques’s close friend and more closeted Duff fan Caroline (herlastname) stared at her feet, apologizing for her friend. She then ate the rest of (mylastname)’s sandwich since (mylastname) was too emotional to notice, blowing her nose and drying her eyes on one of her many exotic cats.”
here’s an article about the National society for bell ringing or something like that.
It’s actually pretty interesting (and lame. but also interesting)
ps: i just went into the grocery store and my only purchases were cat food and sugar free ice cream. sigh
catch you on the flip side,
m
The last time I was at my uncle’s house, I spotted this FRAMED and PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED photograph of me, my sister, my uncle and my cousins at Fenway Park in 1997. If you look closely, you can see that I am for reals you guys wearing a tamagotchi digital pet on a string around my neck. Could this be more embarrassing!? Who allowed me to go out in public like this? Total parental failure here. In my defense, I was 10 years old and tamagotchis were at the height of popularity, having just been released. I actually made my grandma and sister go to Toys R Us to get me one on the very day it came out so I could be the first one in fifth grade to have it.
In conclusion, I asked my uncle to take the photo off the wall and he said no.
Posted by caroline ( obviouslyy)
Monique- FACT. I WAS THERE. It was on our roadtrip. I wish there was a scan of this photo because it is much funnier. Also I am coming back to the states. Roadtrip III?
Here’s a awesome video of a bear trying to steal stuff. So tricky!
A bearglary!
Because we know you care
-I am still in Afghanistan and Caroline is still in Sweeden/ Denmark. I’m sure she will have lots of awkward photos when she returns. I know she knows a lot about the internet café’s in 7/11’s.
-I totally just fell out of my chair reaching for the tolberone hidden in my desk drawer and injured myself. It’s Ramadan here (and in the rest of the muslim world) and I am so hungry. I ate a bag of microwave popcorn for breakfast shortly after I visited the Kabul zoo to distract myself from the gnawing hunger.
Here’s some a1 reporting/googling about zoology in a war zone.
“The zoo suffered significant damage during the fighting between mujahideen factions from 1992-1996; the aquarium was damaged by shelling, and combatants took the deer and rabbits for food.”- THEY ATE THE ZOO!
The zoo’s wild boar is still alive - spared due to an Islamic ban on eating pork.
“Another monkey in the cage chews on a cigarette stub.”-TRUE! I saw it!
“Several animals have died after being beaten or fed narcotics by visitors.”- THEY FED THE ANIMALS DRUGS?
Afghanistan’s only known pig has been locked in a room, away from visitors to Kabul zoo where it normally grazes beside deer and goats, because people are worried it could infect them with the virus popularly known as swine flu. There are no pig farms in Afghanistan and no direct civilian flights between Kabul and Mexico.- HA HA
There was also a one eyed lion that lived there, he was blinded by a grenade and recently died of liver failure. There is a one-eyed statue at the entrance to the zoo. SO AWKWARD. MOST AWKWARD PLACE EVER.
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