Today I lowered my time warner cable bill by twenty dollars a month. If you follow my instructions, you idiots might be able to as well.
1. tell them that you were laid off and are having trouble paying your bill. try to sound like you are on the verge of tears.
2. say that you got a flier from DirecTV and they are offering lower rates. They will counter that you have to pay for DirecTV high def channels, whereas they give you high def for free. Tell them that you don’t care about high def because you DO NOT HAVE A HIGH DEF TELEVISION. For extra measure, I told them that I was saving up for one but could no longer afford the upgrade. Also, say that you love Friday Night Lights.
3. They will offer you free faster internet. Accept it gracefully.
4. They will offer you a lower rate if you agree to be a customer for two more years. Say that you are nervous about that because you don’t know how much longer you can afford cable, even at that rate because if it comes to choosing between TV and feeding your dogs, you will have to choose your dogs.
5. They will give you a rate even cheaper than the “two year lock-in” rate. And you don’t have to promise anyone anything.
ta dah!
posted by caroline
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