I sat down recently to watch the Miss America pageant because I went to high school with one of the girls competing. Spoiler alert: she didn’t make it out of the first round, but I was treated to some amazing introductions to each girl’s home state. All fifty states, plus DC and some islands (probably) have something to be proud of. (well, not if you’ve seen this map:

Here is a sampling of the things each girl chose to mention in the one sentence she got to say about her state:

Arkansas: diamonds
Colorado: means “colored red”
Delaware: also diamonds and tax free shopping.
Florida: no gulf oil spill on the beaches, just oily sunbathers (gross)
Georgia: Biggest military training base, TRUE AMERICAN HEROES (why? did someone insist that miss america contestants were the true american heroes?)
Idaho: more than potatoes! (but not much)
Illinois: Oprah, black hawks and deep dish pizza (obvious the blackhawks are from Illinois. Everyone can’t just say the name of their state’s pro sports team)
Iowa: “leading the country in ethanol production, my state gives you gas”
kentucky: muhammad ali
minnesota: Target (she pronounces it “Tar-zhay”)
Mississippi: reality shows won by people from mississippi
Montana: seasons are winter and august (I never want to go there.)
Nebraska: Huskers. (a sports team, I think?)
New Mexico: Albuquerque balloon festival
North Dakota: coal, wind and water
Oklahoma: they have the number one draft pick (not sure which sport, but that’s bragging)
oregon: “now permitted to harrass sasquatch” (huh?)
puerto rico: ricky martin
rode island: most Dunkin Donuts
South Carolina: Vanna White
Utah: “tonight fifty-three women share a dream, not a husband.” (OMG GROSS)
Washington: Vampires
Wisconsin: Title Town USA (I do not know what this is)
Wyoming: “the state that touches more than any others, but never inappropriately” (OMG DOUBLE GROSS)

So, these girls are all wonderful. Plus, a bunch of them have common names spelled incorrectly (Emoly, Stephenie, etc) which is my pet peeve. Now, I can’t watch any more of this show because it is unbearable/boring so I am just going to assume that everyone wins.

posted by caroline