In what is unquestionably the most important new stories to come out of my home state in a long time, a CAT has been called for Jury Duty in Massachusetts. The reasoning behind this is entirely the idiot cat owner’s fault. She says that on the last census, she crossed out the space for “Dogs” and wrote “Cat” and her cat’s name (Sal Esposito), despite the fact that NO ONE CARES, LONELY CAT-LOVING LADY.
Now, when she received a jury duty notice for Sal the cat, instead of writing on the form that he was a cat, she instead decided to select from the possible disqualifications. She chose “Does Not Speak English” as the BEST reason why her cat could not serve on a jury. The disqualification was denied and now she is hoping it is cleared up before the summons date so she will not have to bring her cat to court.
Now, this has opened up a whole new realm of possibility for me. My newest goal is to get my dogs summonsed for jury duty, and then I will bring them and INSIST that they serve. Or, the next time I get summonsed, I will write on the note “Caroline cannot serve as a juror because she is a cat. And does not speak english (she is from France).” Seems way more foolproof than the approximate seventeen nearly full term pregnancies that my mom claimed she had just to get herself out of having to go serve.

posted by caroline